Monday, November 16, 2009

Be real with me...

If you are my friend you will know I often have what some people would think of as "boundary issues".

I personally do not see an issue with that. I call it being real with you. I don't want to live two lives. One that is acceptable to "society" and one that is really happening.

I don't want to hide behind a fake smile or a fake frown.  There are times in my life when I should be happy and I am lousey and  miserable. Others times I am happy and laughing and people look at me like I am crazy. They thought I had to be insane to laugh at my parents funeral. I did not cry AT their funeral either. Well not out of sadness. I did get really pissed off at one family member and I may have cried tears of madness for a short time. I was overwhelmed with how many people were there, I am not a "public crier", so I was not gona put on a fake set of tears just to make you all happy to see me cry. Sorry not gona be fake.

If I want to call someone, I will call them. If I want to send you 3 or more email messages in one day, I will. I have often called myself "clingy". If I think of you, I will pray for you. I don't like to play "head games". I have tried to stay away and not have as much contact with someone if I am not getting any response, if I feel it is one sided, when I feel extra clingy. I do sometimes get forgetful. I have thought of someone, wanted to call or email, and NOT had the time or put it off. So do not read this and think, "Oh I have not heard from her in awhile she doesn't want to talk to me."  That being said there are some of my friends that I don't want to talk to all the time sorry if that might be you. It's just life and the way it is.

Of course I don't let everyone into my "circle". I think of Jesus's example of friendship. He had thousands and thousands of followers and people that wished to be close to Him. He could not be everywhere and everything for everyone. Even amongst his 12 disciples He had his "favorites". He knew Judas would betray him, but He still allowed Him in His life. That had to be hard.

I have a very select few that I feel "incomplete" if I have not talked to them at least once a day. Then others, like my sister or my kids I need to talk to them several times a day. Usually through one sentence emails passed back and forth that say almost nothing. But it also includes a phone call, chatting online..etc..

I am not sure where I was going with this, if anywhere. I started this blog 5 days ago and got distracted.

I will continue to have my boundary "issues" as I don't mind them. I just choose friends that are like minded and love me for being open and honest. God made me exactly who I am, I am not gona try to be something I am not.

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