Wednesday, April 11, 2012

My son

I will not name which son but...

Today I was watching my son and was thinking how much he is like me. I felt sorry for him. While I did not have a horrid time of growing up, I never felt like I belonged anywhere.

I wasn't a stoner or drugy. Nor was I super religious. I wasn't musical. So, I wasn't in band or choir. I was not athletic, so no sports for me.

I was smart but was not of the elite. I made bronze cord, but not honor society.

I enjoyed lots of things, and wanted to achieve greatness at something. To be someone. To make a difference about something. But alas I never found my passion source. A passion that made me want to be great at any given thing. I dabble. I like lots of things and so I never really excel in one single area.

I made friends easily enough, but only a few lasted into adulthood. Even those have there ins and outs. Times when life is too busy to stay connected.

I have friends from all walks of life. I had a good friend who got pregnant in seventh grade and gave her baby up for adoption, before I even knew her. I've had friends who would get drunk on the weekends and the weekdays for that matter. I had friends that loved God with all their heart. I had friends in band. I had friends that played sports. I had friends that were smart the elite kind. Honor Society members.

But today for the first time, I looked back at my growing up years and realized that I was richer for being able to befriend all kinds of people.

That by not being in one single group of people or click....
I learned compassion and empathy. I was humbled by what I could not do, that others excelled at. I was proud of my friends for who they were and what they could do. I never felt jealous of them as I grew up. I aspired to be like some of them, but did not want to be them.

I then looked at my son and I no longer felt sorry for him for being like me. I hope that one day he will treasure his uniqueness as much as I do. Growing up I did not treasure my personality. I always wanted to be more.

I expected more from myself that I ever have become. I have also become more than I ever expected.

God used all the events in my life to make me who I am today. I pray my son can take a path that keeps him closer to God than I was growing up. One less pained by mistakes, but I will love him none the less. Just as God loves me.

But I'm happy being mediocre, are you?


  1. This really touched my heart. I was just like that growing up and I have always wished I was something differnt..or better! I see the same qualities in my son and hope he will not follow in my footsteps. Now I see that it could be a good thing! Thank you so much you said it so well!