Saturday, March 31, 2012


Sometimes I sit and think of how blessed I am.

How full my life is. How much I have.

Now is one of those times.

In my fullness, I felt an emptiness that will never be filled.

Tonight while feeling content and loved and peace, I felt alone and longing. A longing that will never be fulfilled. A longing, that for tonight, did not out way the peacefulness. The love and contentment won out.

Tonight I felt full even with empty arms.

Tonight I missed my mother, but rejoiced in the memories.

The last picture I have of my mother and I

She was so kind and loving. Always giving of herself for her family. She gave me my love of all things crafty.

I miss her everyday, but everyday I miss her she is also with me.

I carry her around in my everyday tasks.

She is with me when my son runs from me and I reach out for the only thing I can grab and get his hair. Like she did to my brothers a time or two as they were running away from her. Not the best thing I learned from her. Grin.

She is with me when I make a cake and use her cake decorating tools. She is with me when I use her sewing machine to turn a shower curtain into curtains for my bedroom. She is with me when I heat up milk for baby goats in her green pot.

She is with me when I lay down and read a story to my children. She is with me in my heart, alive in my memories of her. But not here on this earth. Not in my arms, nor I in hers. But she is with me.

Tonight, that is enough. Tonight I am full of love and contentment and peace. Even with empty arms.

Thank you Lord.

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