Flies on the wall might think the parents here have gone away on vacation. OK, I am seriously exaggerating with that.
But ever since three out of five household members were sick for most of November, I feel like I have been on a roller coaster of chaos. Especially since at the exact same time a disc in my back decided it needed to bulge, putting me in bed for weeks. I just graduated from physical therapy for that, but still have pain to remind me to take it easy. With all that going on I haven't been able to grasp the reins and pull this place together for any length of time.
I have been anything but consistent with my use of time and directing my children's use of time.
Being diligent is hard! Even harder when I'm scared I will regress with my progress I have made with my back. I am not good at being dependent on others to do things for me. I still cannot clean my goats barn. I know cause I tried and I am paying for it. TWO pitch forks of hay, people. And I am in pain bad enough that I wish that my generic Vicodin didn't make me itch...I'm afraid to take it and have a more severe allergic reaction. Four Ibuprofen is not touching this. It is not "put me in bed pain" but bad. But is not as bad as the pain my ego is enduring...I don't want to be worthless and helpless, dependent on others.
I cannot let my fears control me. I need to take my physical needs seriously, but my children need direction.
A bible verse concerning diligence...that I need to revisit is probably at the core of my issues. Well I am sure more than one applies..but this one speaks to me.
Deuteronomy 6:7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.
I struggle with being diligent, consistent. All the time parenting. Being "on" all the time, is HARD! Especially with difficult children. It's also important to be that kind of parent when you have difficult children. Keeping them on some sort of routine. Making sure I am consistent with expectations and handing out consequences is vital to keeping the peace in this house. To calming the chaos.
Somtimes I think homeschooling seems to exasperate this problem, only because I don't get a 8-10 hour break from my children. Add in some goats, a husband, and the rest of life. I am overwhelmed and under staffed.
I looked at my calender for January and February and thought, "how did I survive all the busyness?" I counted 11 days out of 60 that I had nothing planned on the calendar. Even on those days, I know I didn't just sit around and do nothing. I probably didn't even get to stay home but for half of those. So, we spent November being sick. December being in pain and celebrating the holidays. Then January and February absent from the home. No wonder I have been out of touch and out of control!
So, I rethink my life. I ask God to show me the answers, to give me the strength. To provide loving friends to come beside me and help guide me and keep me close to Him. Then He provides. As I look at March's wide open days with hardly any writting on this beautiful month. I sigh in relief. I dream of the opportunities we have to stay home and get back on track. To take back the reins. To catch up on school work, to reestablish a routine. Thank you Lord.
Thank you to those who have encouraged me and suffered through my whining. Who have allowed their lives to take a backseat while they listened to my non stop gripping about my childrens out of control behavior. I will try to be a more proactive friend and pay better attention to your needs as my world comes into order. Thank you for being available and prayerful during my time of need.
Phillipians 4:14 "Nevertheless, you have done well to share with me in my afflictions."
Thank you for being the hands, feet, eyes, ears and mouth of Christ for me. Thank you for complete and total acceptance. You are appreciated.