Guilty

You ever get the feeling that the people that are closest to you treat you the worst?

Whether it is our friends or family. I think at one point in our lives we are all guilty of giving less than our best to the ones we love the most.

We get tired, worn down, and cranky. Particularly with those we MUST co-habitat with. Those we can't escape for longer than a few hours at a time. Sometimes we get a rare overnight or weekend away or we may have spouses that have to go out of town for work. I think that would make me even more cranky. I would be tempted to dump all the problems from the time he was away on him the second he walked in the door. That would get awful hairy, awful fast.

I know there are times when I know exactly what Lindsey is trying to tell me, but I ask the obvious questions anyway. Like tonight, he tells me he is going to air up the flat tire and drive it work. I asked him WHY? . I figured he was going to take it there to put the spare on and take the flat off,  but would not have put it past him to try to fix the flat. We have a warranty on the tire, so he can't try to repair it or it would void the warranty. So, that is what I was getting at with the WHY?. And my questions always seem to irritate him. He pretends he already gave the answer to the question I asked and gets offended and put off. I get short and snippy answers from him. He tells me why and then says that he already said that. I tell him no he didn't. He'll tell me yes he did, in his head, he mumbles under his breath. I am sure he sensed my tiny amount of doubt in what his plans were and knew that is why I was asking for clarification. So, he "snapped".

I have learned how to get my questions answered, without it sounding like doubt. Sometimes I am doubting him, sometimes I just want to know the "plan". More often than not, I want to know the plan. More often than not, our plans don't agree. Which then he feels doubted or unimportant. Then so do I. On and on the cycle goes. Of feeling that our own needs/desires are greater/better than the other persons.

So, here I am after having been treated less than lovingly and being less than respectful, feeling guilty.