Patience or lack there of...

So, I decided I wanted to make goats milk lotion. I looked up the how to's online last night. Then went to the library and got some books today. Took the kids to the park and skimmed through the books till I found an "easy" starter lotion. With few ingredients that I figured I could get on the way home by stopping at 2 stores.

I got everything but the beeswax. Which was thee 'binding" agent or what they call the emulsifier to keep the oil and water/milk together.So, I said, "ehh I can use a different emulsifier instead." OF course the store did not have any of the "good" ones on my list. So I settled for coconut oil and a thickening agent, that was not on my list of "acceptable" ingredients either. 

Off I go home to try out MY recipe to make lotion...as it now resembled NOTHING in the books or things I read online ;) 

Well it smells good and moisturizes. So I would call it lotion. But is thin, greasy, grainy, and looks to have separated out some.  So, I would not call it GOOD lotion.

I have put out a "call" for local beeswax suppliers...in the mean time my lack of patience took over again. I bought a few ounces on ebay.  I will not give up the homemade milk lotion quest till I get a GOOD batch of lotion.

Not only do I lack patience, but I am stubborn too!

Diapering

In all my years of diapering children. Including diapering my 2 younger brothers. So were are talking more than half my life, 21 plus years of diapering. Of course not constant years...anyway you anal people.

I have NEVER had a child POO again right away, just as I was about to strap down the second velcro tab. Yes, I have been peed on and pooed on. Yes, I have had a baby poo before the diaper was even under their butt.

But this trick of Alexus's is a new one for me. She gave a stretch and filled her diaper up again for me.

So, in a matter of 2 minutes I got to change her diaper for the first and second time!

For those of you don't know, Alexus is my Great niece. She came home from the hospital today and is 7 days old now too! I had the pleasure of helping her mother (my niece) during labor and to see her born. She is so precious.

Have I mentioned how much I love her?

I think too much....

It's been a week since my last post. I think I will re-post here a note I wrote on facebook.

Also, please pray for me to be consistently in the Word. I am struggling.

Here is the note....

I have been experiencing chest pains for about 2 months now.
I went to the ER a little more than a month ago..no cardiac issues to be found. But I have a stress test scheduled for the 15th still. I don't believe it is my heart....

Long story short, I think it has to do w/my digestive system possibly gallbladder or some other bile functioning. The chest pains are now turning into upper right ab pain as well. So, now I have BOTH pains.
All things point to something to do with my bile production.

Had an ultrasound today that was "Normal". Now the doctor (Kay Jones) would like to do a HIDA Scan.... http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/hida-scan/MY00320

ONE thing u need to take note of here before reading further is that I am very anti-medications. In the sense that I prefer herbal and homeopathic meds and ways to treat stuff. but I am at a loss of where to go from here with this. At this point I don't even have a diagnosis for WHAT is causing the pain to know WHAT to do about it!

TWO things..

1. I am scared to do the scan because of the radioactive stuff they will be injecting into me.... all the detoxing of gallbladder flushes, things like that...say do not do them when u have pain. I have constant pain of varying degrees. I don't know where the problem is at and I am just plain scared and want answers.

2. if I decide to do this test...what do u recommend to flush this radioactive stuff out of my system as fast as possible?

OK so 3 things..

3. What should I be doing, besides low fat, high fiber...ok ok ok..I know a lot of the answers...certain things that support liver/bile function...but not sure which ones..well know some of the shaklee products. but that is liver dtx...isn't that for a detox situation..versus everyday support ? and I don't know if it's my liver OR a blocked or leaking duct..or something like that or my gallbladder not functioning right...pancreatic problems...WHO knows at this point. SO I am inclined to get the test to make sure things are not in "disrepair". like leaking or blocked.

OH and 4. the doc wants me to take zantac (I think that is the normal brand name for it) but I have the information for the generic stuff...Ranitidine... its for GERD and to treat and prevent ulcers. its a histamine blocker. I don't think my body is deficient in this drug and I don't like the "take this med and see what it does" answers. I am not an experiment! I want real answers, with least amount of side effects.

The ultrasound showed no gallstones. I do not want to have my gallbladder removed if possible. I have read too many stories where that does not turn out good, when there is no stones involved. People still in discomfort and having to follow a strict diet, that they may have been able to "save" the gallbladder had they done the diet in the first place..and now are forced to do it.

Anyway, before I write a longer book..sigh... can anyone offer any help in those questions I asked?

Heather

Trusted with much...

I have never thought of this in this way till today.

I am not looking up the verse right now, but its the story about God giving much to those he can trust with few..or something like that. Gosh that sounds so backwards, I know I got something wrong in translation there.

Well, tonight I sit here relishing in how much I have felt like such a failure at MUCH. I have felt like  God should NOT trust me with anything a bit in my life. I feel unworthy of His trust.

Tonight I feel as if He trusts with much. I felt that God was telling me I have been faithful in an area of my life that He can trust me with more in that area.

I feel this overwhelming joy and hope and peace. God has been giving me so much trust and faith in ME. ME, just to type it is amazing. Me of little faith, of little trust. Me who always needs to feel IN control...when He is the one really in control. Today He showed me where I have been faithful to Him.

In having trusted me with MUCH in this area of my life this last week,  I have seen that I must have been faithful with little in this same area.

A lot of this will sound all brambly and not make any sense to most of my readers if not all 3 of them ;) But I feel the need to post this tonight. Maybe you are seeking affirmation from God. Look at what He keeps giving you MORE of and realize that YOU are faithful to Him with it! Sometimes the MORE feels like a burden at the time and sometimes its joyful. But He has trusted YOU! He has faith in YOU! As I have seen that He has Faith in ME. 

Thank you Lord for showing me where I am faithful to You. Forgive me for the areas I still need to work on being faithful. Forgive me for when I take control. Know Lord I will still screw it up.  Give me the strength and wisdom to be a more faithful servant of Yours.

The little things...

Tonight I let my old self bring my forgiven self down. I allowed her to beat up the new me. I allowed her to make me cry. I let her treat me like the POS that I used to be.

I am not perfect, and never claim to be. Then little things brightened my night.

Things like sharing in the joys of being a proud a parent with a friend. Having all the chickens in the coop; not having to carry them from the barn to the coop. Seeing new hair growing in on my goats nose. Which means I finally found the item she was deficient in that was causing her nose to go bald. (Yeah!!) Go figure it was Zinc. All she needed was some baby butt creme rubbed into her balding nose and wallah, nose hair grows back! Cheap easy fix. A fix I have been searching for months now.

Yes, the kids did not go to bed when told. Yes, they got up several times. Yes, my day was filled with  whining and anger. Some mine, some theirs.

But I am moving forward and learning and growing. Everyday makes for a brighter tomorrow.

I will not let the old me tell the woman I have become that I am not worthy. God has deemed me worthy. Thank you Lord!  He knows I will never be perfect and I will still mess up BADLY, but He loves me anyway!

Is your sin somehow lesser than mine?

I have been struggling with posting reality. My reality. That somehow my struggles, my issues, are somehow worse than yours. But maybe you silently struggle with sin as well.

"We all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God." Romans 3:23. We are taught this. Do we really believe it?

Why then do I hide my sins? We all sin. I know we are ashamed of it. But also if I admit my sins then won't I have to stop sinning?

I choose everyday to sin. Yes, everyday. Yes, choose!

I have sin in my life that God has convicted me of, time and time again, and I choose to keep sinning. The bible tells me that there is no trouble that I experience that is not known to man. That means that others out there have or are currently struggling with thee same sins I am.

While I do not see a point in wallowing in our sins together, wouldn't being more transparent help us to see we are not alone? That we too will get through this. That we can conquer it.

When you think of sins, what comes to mind? Adultery, anger, lust, selfishness, pornography, forsaking fellowship, murder, greed, over eating, stealing, putting others before God, worry, fear, wasting time, wasting money, ungratefulness,..... the list goes on. What it boils down to is whatever God has laid on your heart that you are doing that is wrong. I have sinned every sin on that list at one point in my life. I am ashamed of that. Some of those sins I have conquered, many I still struggle with.

Does that mean that my sins are worse than yours? If I am dealing with fear and anger, but you struggle with ungratefulness...oh shame on you! NO!!! That is not how it works!

Inspired by MckDaddy who has a much better way with words, so please read his blog too. 

Heavy heart = Thankful heart

The adult son of a person dear to me was diagnosed today with Hodgkins Lymphoma. My heart is heavy for their family.

I am saddened by my own thought process right now. I find myself thankful that God does not feel I could handle that in my life. I am thankful it is not my child. My heartaches for her, but I have faith in my God that He is already seeing her through this time in her life. I know He would do the same for me, but still I am thankful. I would be a wreck.

Seeing this happening in her family has reminded me of emotions I had almost 5 years ago when a bone tumor was accidentally found in Corey's right femur. Then over the course of several months the diagnosis being confirmed over and over again that it was a benign tumor.

He still has check ups, the last one being a year or two ago, another good reminder to call and see if he is due for his next checkup yet. He has never had a biopsy of the tumor, which always leaves this margin for error in my mind..sigh. As he approaches puberty I have to remember that God is in control. New concerns enter my mind of that tumor changing as he changes. Of that tumor affecting his growth. And I have to remember that if He brings us to it (whatever it is in our lives), He will bring us through it. God will only give me as much as I can handle. I pray often that I will never be able to handle one of my children having a serious illness or dieing.

Lord Jesus, be with the Rudd's as they have many choices and decisions to sift through. Give them wisdom and your strength. Give them unity and peace, Lord. A peace that passes all understanding. Bless them Lord as they seek Your direction and guidance. I thank you for them. They are such a blessing. My heart is heavy for them, God. Please ease all trouble minds and hearts tonight as we are all praying for Caleb and his family. Bring us all peace Lord. Amen.