Sometimes

Sometimes I sit and think of how blessed I am.

How full my life is. How much I have.

Now is one of those times.

In my fullness, I felt an emptiness that will never be filled.

Tonight while feeling content and loved and peace, I felt alone and longing. A longing that will never be fulfilled. A longing, that for tonight, did not out way the peacefulness. The love and contentment won out.

Tonight I felt full even with empty arms.

Tonight I missed my mother, but rejoiced in the memories.

The last picture I have of my mother and I

She was so kind and loving. Always giving of herself for her family. She gave me my love of all things crafty.

I miss her everyday, but everyday I miss her she is also with me.

I carry her around in my everyday tasks.

She is with me when my son runs from me and I reach out for the only thing I can grab and get his hair. Like she did to my brothers a time or two as they were running away from her. Not the best thing I learned from her. Grin.

She is with me when I make a cake and use her cake decorating tools. She is with me when I use her sewing machine to turn a shower curtain into curtains for my bedroom. She is with me when I heat up milk for baby goats in her green pot.

She is with me when I lay down and read a story to my children. She is with me in my heart, alive in my memories of her. But not here on this earth. Not in my arms, nor I in hers. But she is with me.

Tonight, that is enough. Tonight I am full of love and contentment and peace. Even with empty arms.

Thank you Lord.

Happy Anniversary

After Mr. Oblivious's recent performance in the department of clueless. I wondered what today was going to bring. Today is our 8th wedding anniversary. To be honest I have known it was coming up, but had nothing special planned. So, I had not been talking it up and reminding him with hints. This is the same man that forgot my 30th birthday when we had plans to go out for dinner, too!

I went about my normal day while trying to decide how and when I should remind him that he once again missed an important day. Well God had other plans.

When Mr. Wonderful came home from work I was feeding the 4 legged kids in the goat barn. He came out to find me and his first words were, "Happy anniversary!" I then asked, "Which of the kids reminded you?" He confessed that while he did not remember until half through his day, he did remember on his own.

He told me of how every time he wrote the date he thought, "26th, there is something familiar about that date. What is it?" Good thing he must of had to write up some work orders or whatever it is he writes up when he fixes something. (Don't I sound like a listening wife, now?) He later stumbled across an old calendar that had today circled and it dawned on him that it was our anniversary.

When Mr. Wonderful realized it was our anniversary he promptly decided it was a good idea to skip his after work side job and come home and take his wife out to dinner. Good man. :)

We went to the library to return some books and movies and check out some new ones. Then we went to a local place that used to be a train station, Clara's. It is yummy and I love the atmosphere/decor.

We then went to the local produce store, Horrocks, to get parsley for my newly freshened doe, April. Which April did not like,  by the way, but Anna absolutely loved.

Upon returning home Mr. Wonderful cleaned out my goat barn and mowed grass. While I played with all 7 of the goats in the yard. Being around the 5 day old kids made the 5 year old goats act like kids again. Jumping and kicking up their hooves.

It was a wonderful sight. A perfect end to a wonderful Anniversary date.

Cheese Crackers To Go With My Whine....

If you know a man or two you probably have figured out most of them are not most observant creatures on our planet.

If you've known me long you know I walked down the aisle to be married to such a creature man.

We don't work well together. I suppose we also don't play well together. But this blog is not about that whine. It's about the former whine.

I have wanted to get our family eating more healthy. To do this I have been trying to make and buy more food that is called "real food" or "whole food".

Did you see that I said, "I".  NOT "we".

My husband is not on board. He says there is nothing wrong with bologna, white bread and Miracle Whip sandwiches. Every day. For the rest of his life. Some have been known to say, "why do you care he'll just die faster and then you will have nothing to whine about." Well, I rather LIKE whining! In fact I must love it. I married a reason to whine. Didn't I, eh?

Mr. Oblivious fails to notice when the kids are up all night sick. Such as last night with sore throats. So, they weren't going to church this wonderful Sunday morning. He also failed to notice that my almost 2 year old great niece was here staying the night because her mother went to the hospital last night. So, Mr. Oblivious proceeds to yell the middle child out of bed to get ready for church. With all in the house asleep but him. Do you see the problem? Cause he didn't. So words were exchanged and it wasn't pleasant.

Well after all that going unnoticed, he returns from church. I am starting a batch of these Cheese Crackers for the first time. The recipe says to use a food processor. We do not have one. So Mr. Oblivious is watching me, rather closely I might add, attempt to use the blender to make these. I think its the word CHEESE that caught his attention, but I am going to pretend he just wanted to pay attention to things I am interested in doing. You know, study me. So, it was nice to have him spend time with next to me in awe of my mad skills.

They are 3 ingredients. Whole wheat flour, cold butter and cheese. When whirled in a food processor they become a nice ball of dough. When whirled in a blender, they become....well nothing. They sit there doing nothing as if the blade is not even turning.

So, I have a failed attempt at seeing if a neighbor has a real food processor I can borrow.

Then I move on to option three, my Kitchen Aid. I figure it doesn't need to actually chop up the ingredients, just make them one consistancy. SUCCESS! I had to start on low and work my way up to high speed to smash it all together. Then back down to low to allow it to combine and make a ball. But it will work! So try it!

Cue Mr. Oblivious coming back into the kitchen to see how the cheese crackers are coming along. I am just starting to make them into a log for cutting. Its like making a playdough snake. And I took a picture!

While rolling these I thought it would be cool to do it on a piece of wax paper. Did you know that stuff moves around really easy making it more difficult to roll the dough into a snake? Well now you do. Cue Mr. Wonderful, formerly knows as Mr. Oblivious, with out prompting places his hands on the wax paper to hold it still. I still think its cause I used the word CHEESE, but we will still give credit where credit is due. So, kudos to Mr. Wonderful for the part he played in making this wonderful cheese cracker snake.

Then, I sliced the snake up into 1/4 inch thick crackers. They weren't looking as nice as the one in the recipe I was following. They were crumbling a tiny bit and not uniform in thickness.  So, I had to smash them a bit with the tip of the table knife I was cutting them with. I also used my fingers to mold them into better circles.

Like this...Before I smooshed it.

After smooshing...see why I said, "better" circles. Yeah, very random in size and shape. I was most concerned with keeping the same thickness so they would crisp up at the same time.

Then this is the final product after baking at 350 degrees F for about 14 minutes. The recipe says 8-14 min. depending on the thickness. So, mine must of been thick or I like mind crispier than the average Joe. The first round in the oven came out softish after 11 minutes, so opted to go longer with the second round. I couldn't tell ya how many exactly the whole batch made as I have ate an undetermined amount of them already. YUM!! Though my family would say they need salt. So, if you are truly a salt loving family sprinkle some salt on top before baking and smosh it in a bit to make it stick. I think that would do the trick. My family likes to see their salt. Silly family.

 Note that the color does not change much, they just crisp up. Don't be afraid to go the full 14 minutes or longer if u want crispy crackers. Just watch them for changing to dark brown or black. That would be called chicken food then. AKA burnt.

So, in conclusion you can see how if I use the word CHEESE I can get Mr. Oblivious to turn into Mr. Wonderful and all is well in our world once again. (Grin)

Diligence

Things have got hairy, at best, around here.

Flies on the wall might think the parents here have gone away on vacation. OK, I am seriously exaggerating with that.

But ever since three out of five household members were sick for most of November, I feel like I have been on a roller coaster of chaos. Especially since at the exact same time a disc in my back decided it needed to bulge, putting me in bed for weeks. I just graduated from physical therapy for that, but still have pain to remind me to take it easy. With all that going on I haven't been able to grasp the reins and pull this place together for any length of time.

I have been anything but consistent with my use of time and directing my children's use of time.

Being diligent is hard! Even harder when I'm scared I will regress with my progress I have made with my back. I am not good at being dependent on others to do things for me. I still cannot clean my goats barn. I know cause I tried and I am paying for it. TWO pitch forks of hay, people. And I am in pain bad enough that I wish that my generic Vicodin didn't make me itch...I'm afraid to take it and have a more severe allergic reaction. Four Ibuprofen is not touching this. It is not "put me in bed pain" but bad. But is not as bad as the pain my ego is enduring...I don't want to be worthless and helpless, dependent on others.

I cannot let my fears control me. I need to take my physical needs seriously, but my children need direction.

A bible verse concerning diligence...that I need to revisit is probably at the core of my issues. Well I am sure more than one applies..but this one speaks to me.

Deuteronomy 6:7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

I struggle with being diligent, consistent. All the time parenting. Being "on" all the time, is HARD! Especially with difficult children. It's also important to be that kind of parent when you have difficult children. Keeping them on some sort of routine. Making sure I am consistent with expectations and handing out consequences is vital to keeping the peace in this house. To calming the chaos.

 

Somtimes I think homeschooling seems to exasperate this problem, only because I don't get a 8-10 hour break from my children. Add in some goats, a husband, and the rest of life. I am overwhelmed and under staffed.

 

I looked at my calender for January and February and thought, "how did I survive all the busyness?" I counted 11 days out of 60 that I had nothing planned on the calendar. Even on those days, I know I didn't just sit around and do nothing. I probably didn't even get to stay home but for half of those. So, we spent November being sick. December being in pain and celebrating the holidays. Then January and February absent from the home. No wonder I have been out of touch and out of control!  

 

So, I rethink my life. I ask God to show me the answers, to give me the strength. To provide loving friends to come beside me and help guide me and keep me close to Him. Then He provides. As I look at March's wide open days with hardly any writting on this beautiful month. I sigh in relief. I dream of the opportunities we have to stay home and get back on track. To take back the reins. To catch up on school work, to reestablish a routine. Thank you Lord.

 

Thank you to those who have encouraged me and suffered through my whining. Who have allowed their lives to take a backseat while they listened to my non stop gripping about my childrens out of control behavior. I will try to be a more proactive friend and pay better attention to your needs as my world comes into order. Thank you for being available and prayerful during my time of need.

Phillipians 4:14 "Nevertheless, you have done well to share with me in my afflictions."

 

Thank you for being the hands, feet, eyes, ears and mouth of Christ for me. Thank you for complete and total acceptance. You are appreciated.

What you have a farm?

Well, since my blog does carry my farm name. I think its about time I wrote about the farm.

Gottes Belle Farm. German, Gottes meaning God's. German is my favorite part of my heritage. French, Belle meaning beautiful. Also named for the matriarchs of my goat herd, Annabelle and Clarabelle. So, if you translate all that we are "God's Beautiful Farm".

We currently have 5 goats. Four does and one wether. We currently have one goat in milk. Three goats are breed this year. April, our first doeling born here, is due for her second kidding March 18th. Less than 2 weeks. I'm getting excited about the start of our kidding season. May 1st Clara is due with her 3rd time kidding. Angel, last years doeling born here, is due with her first kidding May 29th. Anna is taking the year off from kidding.

Anna is my best milker and hence my favorite goat. Angel is her daughter. I'm hoping I get as great of an udder and milk production out of her mother has. My ideal would be to have goats I breed every other year and they give me a gallon of milk a day year round for 2 years straight. Anna is that good of a milker.

Chickens. All of our chickens are older right not and don't lay very good. We are expecting 12 Black Astorlorp laying hen chicks anytime now. I like to keep a small flock and allow them to free range.

We offer raw milk herd shares and eggs when available. We are currently full on herd shares. After April kids we will have more herd shares for sale, if you are interested. We won't have eggs until July or August.

What we do have now is Hand Crafted Goats Milk Soap. So, check those out to help support our farm.